I woke up and went to the toilet as usual. I spend a good deal of my life on the toilet, and have read a few books and played a fair few games while perched on it. Not today, some kind soul had left the window open. Now I am not the kind of person who enjoys having the biting cold air caress my nether regions, nor do I enjoy having to endure ice cold splash back, which isn't pleasant at the best of times. It really annoys me, it should be a place of quiet contemplation like the cloisters of a priory or the Fortress of Solitude. Well technically it was as cold as the Fortress of Solitude but like Justin Bieiber I do not possess super powers, or maybe I do and cold is my Kryptonite. Being cold inhibits my ability to do anything, I lose powers of speech, my sight is blurred from the tears my eyes produce from the lightest of cold winds, while my shivering body prevents me from completing all but the most rudimentary of tasks. I can't even reach to pick up an item from the top shelves in the supermarket cold aisles because my nipples shrivel and the rubbing on my clothes feels like torture to me.
It was Saturday night. I closed my eyes and started the long drawn out process of falling asleep, trying to remember what coursework is due in and when, what things I need to do in the morning and then trying to go through the problems I'm having with some vague mathematics I'm trying to weave into a jet engine simulation. The multicoloured fuzzy shapes start dancing in front of my eyes, and I start to nod off in the silen.... "ARRAAAGHHHHHHHGGGLLLEEeee ARGHHHH WHAT THE HELL!! OH MY GOD ARGGHHHHHHHHH... WHAT THE... ARRRGGHHH '' Shattered the silence just inches from my ear. Now I don't know if you've ever experienced sphincter flutter, well I did and before I could understand what was going on I was bravely clung to Aerospace girlfriend hoping she could fight off the nasty shouty person so that I didn't have to get involved. But then as seconds passed and the shouting stopped and I heard the shallow breathing I realised it was Aerospace girlfriend having a nightmare. What could have made her scream like that? I didn't find out as she didn't want to tell me, and promptly fell back to sleep leaving me somewhat unnerved and now faced with a room where every shadow was some kind of monster who wanted to rub my nipples or worse. When I woke the next day into the bright light of rational thinking, I asked her ''So what was that screaming about last night''. I was expecting tales of vampire sheep, ravenous twisted readers of the Daily Mail running through the woods chasing us.... But no the truth was weirder if a little mundane, apparently she dreamt I had springs for eyes...
