Wednesday 11 January 2012

All Work and No Sleep Make Paul Go Something Something...

....and no it isn't 'go crazy' or else I would've been hanging out the window half naked shouting at the gobshite over the road to stop crying and no matter how many times you tell your girlfriend through the letter box of the front door to a series of communal flats, she cant hear you. Even if she did, do you think she'd want to hear you dribbling and gurning? No, now man up and piss off or I will shout at you again. I shouted at him once before for climbing on a car to make snowballs with his mate. Idiot, I can only hope he meets a grisly end one day and so stops wasting oxygen.

I'm getting old, I've turned into a grumpy old man who shouts at kids from the window and thinks the youth of today are idiots. They've got no gumption, not like in my day when you'd drink till you puked, and then drink some more before passing out hugging the wet, stained toilet bowl in whatever toilet I found myself in at the time. Fending off the over-zealous town centre college security guards who for some reason didn't believe me that I was just trying to sleep and probably thought I was trying to steal toilet rolls or something. You can't do that nowadays, you'd get tasered. Unlike in the 1990's when a drunken argument with a security guard, (and a possible mooning incident), was met with a stern telling off from a guy who looked like Piglet from Winnie the Pooh. To be fair though, if some drunken idiot had showed his hairy pooper to me I would fire a taser at it, I defy anybody not to.

I miss the 1990's, when Brian Cox was telling us all 'Things Are Gonna Get Better' now he just tells us all how the universe ends and it doesn't have quite the same ring. Gone are the days of riding motorbikes on the local park annoying the old biddies. No longer is it socially acceptable to scrawl Black Flag graffiti all over the car park, (it's still there!).. Although I'm quite happy that I don't have people knocking on my parents front door to tell them tales of mischief. ''Your Paul has been throwing apples everywhere.... Your Paul called me a coffin dodger... Your Paul knocked on my door and run off... Your Paul dug a massive hole in my garden....'' Well ''Your Paul'' never once shouted through the letterbox wailing about kebabs. They should've been grateful because the kids nowadays...